Since
the last time we talked life has gone on. I found my refuge in books.
I bury all of my feelings and depression in the books. I spend most
of my time in books. That coupled with Bear and my music makes it
able for me to get by. I am fine.
I
had very few friends in Alabama. It was finally dawning on me that I
was not going back to Orlando. This added to my feelings of loss. I
would not be seeing my family and friends in Orlando for awhile.
Around
2010 we moved to Theodore Alabama. I loved the Theodore area! The
grocery store and library was only a five minute drive. When I could
not drive anywhere I could walk to the nearest gas station. I always
kept my doctor's appointments and went to therapy sessions. I really
thought I was coping.
In
February 2011 my FL best friend and Auntie come to visit me for my
birthday. We explored the town and had a blast! They were here for
about a week. These were my best moments in Alabama! They were not
impressed with Mobile. Haha. My FL best friend and Auntie frequently
took trips to New York City, Miami and Los Angeles.
In
the summer of 2011 I moved out of my dad's house. I moved into
independent housing units ran by Altapointe. Everyone that lived in
the complex had a mental illness. I was finally alone.
I
never lived completely alone. Before I always had at least one other
person sharing the house with me. I was slowly losing my mind. The
loneliness was driving me to insanity! I did not want to live
anymore. I could not picture a life alone.
On
July 4th 2011 I tried to take my own life. My brain
disorder had a tight grip on me. I felt like I could not fight
anymore.
Fortunately
I texted a few family members of what I was planning to do. My older
brother calls me and asks what is the matter. I tell him it is time
for me to go to heaven and hang up on him. I texted my family my
address so they could find my body. My FL best friend contacted one
of my local friends. My local friend called the cops on me. The cops
asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital to get better. I agreed to
go in the ambulance. I stayed in the ER briefly before I was
transferred to the mental ward where I spent five days.
When
I was released I got sent back to my apartment where I tried to stay
busy. I spent my days going to day treatment. In the evening a few
friends would visit me. We would watch TV and have dinner together.
After
three months I could no longer stand living by myself. Even though I
had a few friends I still felt terribly alone. I moved back in with
my dad in August.
Sometimes
recovery takes a long time. You need to look back at where you
started to realize you are getting better. I am recovering and have
come a long way. In the months ahead I am going to show you the
changes in my life. Sometimes painfully slow but that made me even
more determined.
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