Heartbreak

The past few months have been pretty rough on me. I have had a bad case of hives that lasted for a week. My car broke down on me and I went car less for a while. The worst thing I have had happen to me is heartbreak. This was not something that lasted for a few years. I have known this person for over twenty years. I referred to her as my FL best friend. She was like a sister to me.

Yesterday I woke up around seven am. I check my cell phone and see a text message from a close friend. Her message said to give her a call before I go on Facebook. I give my friend a call. She warns me that there is a nasty public post on my Facebook page. I log on to my Facebook account. What I see is a long letter on my page pretty much about how an ungrateful bitch I am. This was from my FL best friend. I can not fully express how I feel but it is like a mixture of sadness and anger. Tears roll down my cheeks. My hands are shaking. I feel frazzled. A few of my friends defend me but my FL best friend manages to lash out at them.

I manage to shower and get dressed. Clearly I am not thinking straight because I decided to wear jeans while the weather is about one hundred degrees outside. I get to my friends house. She tries to comfort me and tells me things will work out just fine. I remain devastated. We talk about my feelings for a while. I was still in tears. One of my friends warned me that people can leave mean comments on my blog. I never expected something so mean from my FL best friend.

My friend and I try to go on about our days. We are both pretty upset. We decide to go downtown. My friend and I get lunch from a fast food place. We both explore the library since we enjoy reading. We stop at the pet store to see some animals then get a few things from the grocery store. Finally we head back home. We get into a small argument. She thought I was upset with her. It had nothing to do with her. I was still very hurt from the mean letter.

I have a cousin that lives in Utah. We have not seen since each other since I was in kindergarten. However we still stay pretty close. I text her almost every day. She knew what happened to me over Facebook. She asked me if I was okay. I told her not really. What she says next brought tears to my eyes. She texted me to tell her everything that was wrong. She told me that she was there to listen. I was touched by her simple act of kindness. I know that a few people truly care for me but she made me realize it.

The end of my day goes by slowly. I drive home and listen to music. The tears start again. My heart is broken. I feel like I have lost a piece of my soul. Yes I do have family and friends nearby but I feel incredibly alone. I go home to Bear. As always he is patiently waiting for me. I get into my pajamas and into bed. Bear comforts me and the loneliness eases a bit. I do a bit of writing. Then I text a few friends until I fall asleep.