College Years (Calm Before The Storm)

At eighteen I moved in with my mom. I did not like where my dad was living. He was in the country. It took a long time to get anywhere. My mom lived in the city. I am more of a city girl than I am a country girl.

I stayed with my mom for about two years. It was actually her boyfriend's house but he was almost never home. It was not easy going a lot of the time. I blamed my mom for all of my problems. Sometimes I was angry with my mom for no reason. She was my scapegoat. I still feel terrible today about how I treated her.

On the flip side I had no curfew. I could come and go as I pleased. I was free. There would be times I could stay away for a few days. This would be considered unacceptable at my dad's house.

While enjoying this freedom I started college. I chose a college where I could major in fashion. I was not really sure of what I wanted to do. However I did like fashion and it has always been my dream to work with lingerie.

Soon after I started college I landed a job at Victoria's Secret! Sometimes I would work on the sales floor helping customers find lingerie. Most of the times I worked at the cash wrap where we checked out the customer's purchases. I really enjoyed working at Victoria's Secret. Often I consider going back there but I do not feel confident about it until I slim down first.

During this time my mom and I parted company. Her boyfriend was leaving her so we both had to move out. My mom briefly stayed at an extended stay motel until she had to go to the hospital. Then she ended up in a group home.

I moved in with auntie and my FL best friend for a month. Things got cramped so I decided I could not live there very long. I found a room to rent near my job. The young woman renting the room was close to my age. She was the ideal roommate. She is friendly and very tidy. Thankfully our schedules keep us home at different times. We do not see each other often so it is kind of like living alone.

For the first time in my life I am independent. Often times I feel alone. My dad had moved to AL several months before. My mom was in a group home. My brother was in the military. I was truly on my own.

While all of this was going on I was dating a guy off and on for about four years. I fell in love with him. Sometimes he would take me to his friends' houses. Him and his friend would go into a room and my boyfriend would tell me to wait in the living room. I was very naive. I did not know what was going on. Later in our relationship I found out my boyfriend had a bad coke habit.

Even though I had a boyfriend, FL best friend and a few close friends most times I felt alone. Loneliness and sadness were closing in on me. I have heard that your true feelings emerge when you drink alcohol. I was known as the depressed drunk. Most of the times when I had a drink a sea of sadness and tears would flow out of me. At this point the storm was ready to unleash it's fury but first was the calm.