Big Brother

I have talked about my support group of family and friends. For those of you enduring a mental illness, you know how truly important these people are.

Today I want to talk about one of my family members that made it possible for me to be here today. I plan on talking about other family members in future blogs.

My big brother who has loved, encouraged, instructed and scolded me sometimes, with my best interest in mind. From my earliest memories he has always been there for me. He has made me feel safe. He has been my protector. The best big brother a girl could ever want!

When I was about ten my mother left us due to a mental illness. We were both devastated but he buried his pain to take care of me. He put up a front for me, not thinking about his feelings to be there for me.

When we were teens my older brother worked in the hotel. He usually brought me dinner to make sure that I ate well. When my body was changing he would take me shopping for under things and feminine products. That had to be embarrassing for a teenage boy, but it did not stop him.

When it came time to learn to drive he was there teaching me the difference between the gas and brake pedals. I think I scared him and a mailbox once, haha. However he continued to teach me. When my older brother left for the military he gave me his car. Unknowingly I let the car run out of oil and damaged the car. His response “ No big deal.” He knew I did not do it on purpose.

After he got out of the army he went to live with his friend. On the weekends I would come visit him. We would just relax and have something to eat. We did not always talk a lot. Being around each other was comforting.

At the time we did not know that my mental illness was starting to take a hold of me. One time I got several traffic tickets in one sitting. It was so bad that they even took my driver's license! My older brother was trying to explain how serious the situation was. In my starting state of euphoria I did not see what was frustrating him.

When I was delusional and ran from him I thought he was a clone trying to harm me. I can not even imagine how hurt and worried he was for me. I remember being in the emergency room with him. He held my hand and I could not look at him. I did not believe it was really him.

After I arrived in Alabama my older brother stayed in touch with me. Sometimes he would get on me about decisions I made but he always wanted me to better myself. He wanted me to do something with my life. I was not good at communicating how I felt. At times I gave up on myself but my big brother never gave up on me!

I know being a blogger was not his first choice but I believe he is happy for me. I found something I am good at and I am helping others!

Big brother I love you and am so thankful for you being there. Even when you were out of the country I never could have made it without you! Thank You!!!! <3 <3