A Trip Back To The Catfish Farm

When I first arrived in Alabama after my mental breakdown, I left the big city of Orlando, Florida to go live on a catfish farm in Axis, Alabama.

My friends were far away, I was not able to finish college, my chances of a career in the fashion industry had ended. Would I ever see my Orlando friends again? My life as I knew it was gone. Washed away by a mental illness that I knew little about. I was basically stuck on a catfish farm. I could not see a future for me farther than the next day.

At the catfish farm I met Mac and Faye. They were a retired, older couple. Mac liked to take morning walks around the catfish ponds. I took a liking to them right off. They befriended me and treated me like family. Sometimes I would go for walks with Mac. I spent most of my weekends with them. On Saturdays I would come over in the afternoon. We usually we hangout and watch TV. Sometimes they would take me to do errands with them. Sundays was church day. We would go to Sunday School and attend service. We liked going to fast food places for lunch.

Lately Mac and Faye have been in my thoughts so a friend of mine went with me to visit them about a month ago. It was close to an hours drive from me. I did not realize how far out in the country I had lived. The drive was nice. I was slightly worried that I would not remember how to get there but the memories came flooding back. I had a quiet time reflecting on those days and where I am now. We finally turned down the last country road. I was excited to see places where I used to live. The place where I just started my recovery. I was sad to see the the catfish ponds were now fenced off. As we got closer there was Mac and Faye's house. Once we parked I started to wonder if they were home. We undid the gate and walked onto the porch, knocked on the door but no answer. They were not home. I felt a bit disappointed. We sat on their swing I used to sit on years ago and waited for a few minutes. I got tired of waiting so I left a note on the door with my number on it.

My friend and I were hungry so we decided to stop and eat near the house in case Mac and would be home soon. We took off to Taco Bell. The guy that took my order said I was very pretty so that made my day! Just as we were finishing our tacos Mac gave me a call! He said he just got home a bit ago. My friend and I hopped in the car and I was happy that I would be seeing my old friends again! Excited is the best word to describe how I was feeling as we retraced our journey. I could hardly wait to see this elderly couple who had loved me and helped me in my recovery!

As we got out of the car, Mac came to greet us. He looked exactly as I had remembered him. Faye looked thinner and she admitted that she did have some health problems. Maggie came out barking and excited. I saw that they had a small new dog. They told me that their old dog Penny had passed away. I was kind of sad about it but was glad that she was no longer suffering.

We all went inside the house. I thought it had pretty much looked the same. There were so many memories! We sat in the kitchen and had some drinks. At first Mac gave me some grapefruit juice. I took a sip and did not like it! My friend had some sweet tea so luckily we exchanged drinks. They asked what I had been doing and how my family was. I told them about all the exciting things happening and my life! Then we reminisced about the days when my family and I used to live there.

It was getting near four o clock and my friend and I decided to head back home before the traffic hour started. We try to avoid rush hour if possible! It was wonderful seeing my old friends again. I now have more fond memories of these two dear people who loved me when I needed it most. My life back at the catfish farm would have been incredibly lonely without Mac and Faye. I will make sure to visit them at least a few times a year and keep in touch by phone!

Progress

In 2008 my life changed forever. I was a senior in college. Life was good. I wanted to work in the fashion industry. My future looked promising. In a matter of a few weeks everything changed.

You can read more about my mental breakdown in this blog. About the devastation of schizophrenia and how I put my life back together one piece at a time. There were setbacks sometimes but there was progress.

As my best friend says “I hung in there.” As my confidence grew I realized that I had something to give the world. This blog is a success. It has been read in ten different countries. I have had articles published in Schizlife, SOMI, Centerpointe, and NAMI.

Recently I was introduced to the Board of Directors of SOMI.

Through SA I met Sister Lucindia who has agreed to be my mentor. Sister Lucindia elected me to be a Board member for Wings Across Alabama. I attended the Board meeting a few weeks ago and am now an official Board member for Wings. I am very excited to serve and represent this organization!

Last weekend I just completed training to become a NAMI Presenter. I spent three days training in Montgomery. AL. I got to live lavishly. I had a huge comfortable bed with four pillows and I got used to the unlimited non-alcoholic beverages! During my training I met some wonderful people and made new friends!

The training was exciting and fun! I was nervous about doing public speaking but the more I practiced the more I felt confident giving a speech. I am looking forward to continuing my blog which I am very proud of! I plan on writing a book about my life. I am very excited to be serving on the Board of Directors of Wings and to be a NAMI Presenter!

I want to inspire and help others like me! I have great ambitions and plans for the future. I look forward to being an advocate, a spokesperson for the advancement of mental illness awareness!

Mental Illness Awareness Week 14

This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week. It is especially important to me because I have schizophrenia.

Mental illness is often put in closets or brushed under the rug. We do not want to talk about it. Family members do not want to admit it if a relative has a condition. The average person's views of mental illness come from movies or books.

There is little public education or public funds invested in educating people. Most views vary from the ignorant to the ill informed.

This is the reason I started my blog. I felt like I had a story to share. I wanted to show the world what life is like for someone with schizophrenia. That people like me are functioning and loving people who contribute to society.

In my this blog I chronicle my life. From feelings of despair to having hope. I reflect on family and friends that have been there for me.

My favorite line is “Schizophrenia does not control me, I control it!” I do not hear voices. I am not delusional. Through therapy, medications and support groups I can face each day knowing I am in control!

A Typical Day In The Life of Amy Kay

I have strange dreams. Often I wake up feeling homesick. I still feel sad over my FL best friend. I miss my brother. I miss my mom. Orlando was my home.

Even though I have slept over ten hours I still feel exhausted. I believe I have sleep apnea. I have a consultation to see a doctor about that this month.

I manage to shower and get dressed. I check my phone for texts. I usually get a few “Good morning” texts each morning.

I drive over to my AL best friend's house. I bring my computer with me. I catch up on my email and Facebook. We have brunch and talk a bit.

We drive over to SOMI club. I go to a support group. She is a volunteer over there. I practice the piano. We enjoy talking to other people.

After SOMI we usually have errands. I like to stop by the library. We go to the store. Often we grab lunch. Sometimes we run by places to pay bills.

We go back to my AL best friend's house. We talk, read, write and rest. I get back on the computer. After awhile she fixes dinner for the both of us. If I am not too tired I manage to get in an hour of walking.

Later on I drive home. Looney and Lassie (the dogs) are excited to see me! Sometimes I give each of them a treat! I go up to my room where Bear is waiting for me. I hug him and give him kisses. I shower and get into night clothes. Sometimes I read at night. I am ALWAYS listening to music. I go online and text and I fall asleep.

Big Apple

In the spring of 2008 I took a trip to New York City! The guy I was dating at the time whom I was infatuated with, found out I had never been to New York. He wanted to treat me to a visit to the Big Apple. This was my first time flying on a plane. Going on this trip was the most exciting thing I had ever done!

We spent the night at the airport hotel. It was my first time finding chocolates on the pillow. There was a balcony where we sat and drank wine. I took a luxurious bubble bath.

The next day we boarded the plane in the morning. Having never been on a plane I felt it was a bit crowded. My mate gave me some gum. He told me to chew on it as we were taking off so my ears would not hurt. The attendants showed us how to put on oxygen masks and life vests. I remember how our flight attendant made me a mixed drink! They put on a movie but I was too excited to pay attention!

There was so much to see and do! People were all around me! We went to see Broadway shows. It was AWESOME! The tickets were about one hundred dollars a pop!

I remember having the most delicious cheesecake I had ever eaten in my life! It was so smooth. Then there was the subway. You can go just about anywhere in the city on them. It was fun!

I had the chance to walk around the campus of NYU. It was huge! We had coffee at Starbucks. I thought about how much fun it would be to attend this school.

We walked through Chinatown and Little Italy. People would try to persuade us to eat in their restaurants.

Later we ate at high rise restaurant right across from Ground Zero. That place looked like a construction zone. I also remember seeing some tents. Then we walked around Wall Street but I was not really impressed with it. Haha. 

This was a trip I will always remember! Flying on a plane. All the sites and sounds of New York. It was amazing to say the least! I definitely want to visit sometime soon!

Big Brother

I have talked about my support group of family and friends. For those of you enduring a mental illness, you know how truly important these people are.

Today I want to talk about one of my family members that made it possible for me to be here today. I plan on talking about other family members in future blogs.

My big brother who has loved, encouraged, instructed and scolded me sometimes, with my best interest in mind. From my earliest memories he has always been there for me. He has made me feel safe. He has been my protector. The best big brother a girl could ever want!

When I was about ten my mother left us due to a mental illness. We were both devastated but he buried his pain to take care of me. He put up a front for me, not thinking about his feelings to be there for me.

When we were teens my older brother worked in the hotel. He usually brought me dinner to make sure that I ate well. When my body was changing he would take me shopping for under things and feminine products. That had to be embarrassing for a teenage boy, but it did not stop him.

When it came time to learn to drive he was there teaching me the difference between the gas and brake pedals. I think I scared him and a mailbox once, haha. However he continued to teach me. When my older brother left for the military he gave me his car. Unknowingly I let the car run out of oil and damaged the car. His response “ No big deal.” He knew I did not do it on purpose.

After he got out of the army he went to live with his friend. On the weekends I would come visit him. We would just relax and have something to eat. We did not always talk a lot. Being around each other was comforting.

At the time we did not know that my mental illness was starting to take a hold of me. One time I got several traffic tickets in one sitting. It was so bad that they even took my driver's license! My older brother was trying to explain how serious the situation was. In my starting state of euphoria I did not see what was frustrating him.

When I was delusional and ran from him I thought he was a clone trying to harm me. I can not even imagine how hurt and worried he was for me. I remember being in the emergency room with him. He held my hand and I could not look at him. I did not believe it was really him.

After I arrived in Alabama my older brother stayed in touch with me. Sometimes he would get on me about decisions I made but he always wanted me to better myself. He wanted me to do something with my life. I was not good at communicating how I felt. At times I gave up on myself but my big brother never gave up on me!

I know being a blogger was not his first choice but I believe he is happy for me. I found something I am good at and I am helping others!

Big brother I love you and am so thankful for you being there. Even when you were out of the country I never could have made it without you! Thank You!!!! <3 <3

Support Groups

Since I have started this blog I have been more involved in mental illness. I began to realize that I could help others and that there were support groups to help people struggling with mental illness.

During my research for my blog I found SOMI (Survivors of Mental Illness) and SA (Schizophrenics Anonymous). Both groups help many people dealing with schizophrenia.

When I first went to the SOMI club, I knew I was in the right place. The people who run it are genuine. They are there to help. The director and activities director make everyone feel at home. Some things that are available are arts and crafts. We even blew big bubbles one day. I am so excited, they are teaching me how to play the piano!

The best part is I get to spend time with people who have a mental illness. We talk about daily living and paint or draw. There is never any pressure on doing anything. We talk and laugh while doing our projects. It is very soothing and relaxing.

On Wednesdays we do support groups. The members get together and talk about their lives. Both good and bad things happening in it. It helps to hear and talk about daily life. Coping skills are taught to handle rough days.

I love snack time! It is when we sit down and enjoy juice, cheeses, nuts and other healthy snacks. Again it is the interaction with people with a similar condition.

SOMI club is a refuge place to recharge your batteries. This group of people have made a difference in my life. It is my place to go when things are not going well, or when I have a great day and want to tell people about it.

Another group I have taken advantage of is SA. They have a conference call where you can talk to others with schizophrenia from all over America. We talk about our day and how we cope with our illness. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

I met Sister Lucindia who is a star in the mental health field. She has schizophrenia just like me! She is my inspiration! She wears many hats in mental health. She graduated college with honors, has been in several articles and has published a book! I am learning so much from her.

There is so much more to these groups than what I have shared above! Please feel free to get in touch with me if you want more information on these groups. They are life savers. Like a calm refuge in the storm that surrounds people dealing with mental illness.